The holiday season—ah yes, the time Hollywood sells us as merry, cozy, and overflowing with love. Picture it: couples cuddling by the fire, happy endings wrapped in fairy lights, and everyone smiling like they’re in a Love Actually sequel.
But in reality? It’s chaotic. You’re juggling work, family, and social gatherings, trying to stay sane while prepping food, hosting get-togethers, and making sure everyone is having a good time. If you’re single, it can also mean dodging a barrage of well-meaning but lowkey invasive questions about your love life. And, let’s be real, what else are your relatives going to gossip about this year?
Now, if you grew up in a Western culture, advice like “just set boundaries with your family!” sounds nice… in theory. But for those of us from Asian households? LOL, that doesn’t fly. Respecting your elders is deeply ingrained, and “telling off” Auntie about her prying questions isn’t an option.
As a Chinese-Australian navigating both cultures, this time of year often feels like being stuck between two worlds:
- You want to respect your family’s traditions, but you’re also tired of explaining why you’re still single.
- You’re inspired by those cheesy Christmas rom-coms (hello, The Holiday and Bridget Jones), but you also know life isn’t one big meet-cute with a Hollywood ending.
And let’s not even talk about the travel stress. Flights are expensive, airports are chaos, and the cost-of-living crisis? She’s not helping. Once you’re home, the social marathon begins: reconnecting with extended family and old friends, most of whom love asking about your relationship status.
So, how do you deal? How do you balance showing respect for your culture while protecting your peace during the holidays?
If you’ve ever felt caught between the expectations of your Asian heritage and the Western mindset you grew up with, you’re not alone. This season can be tough, but you’ve got this. Keep reading for the full holiday survival guide!
1. The Stress of Travel and Reunions
For those not living near family, the holidays often mean stressful and expensive travel during peak season. You finally arrive at a family gathering, ready to relax, only to be greeted with the dreaded questions:
“When are you going to find a partner?” or “Any updates on your love life?” or “Your cousin just got married, when is it your turn?”
It’s like there’s a script they’ve memorized for every single relative under 40. While these questions often come from a place of love (yes, Auntie, we get it—you want us to be happy), they can still sting, especially when you’re navigating your own feelings about dating and timelines. These questions may come from a place of care, but they’re rarely helpful and often feel like judgment disguised as curiosity. While Western advice might tell you to “set boundaries,” this approach doesn’t translate well in many Asian families where respect for elders is paramount. Telling off Auntie or Uncle isn’t an option.
Instead, try deflecting with light but respectful responses:
- The Deflection (Play It Chill):
“Haha, no time for that yet—been too busy enjoying my freedom and leveling up in life!”
Translation: I’m thriving, thanks. - The Humorous Dodge (Disarm With a Joke):
“Not yet! But don’t worry, I’ll send you the wedding invite when it happens—front row seats, Auntie!”
Translation: Move along, please. - The Genuine Honesty (For the Brave):
“I’m taking my time and focusing on myself right now. It’ll happen when it’s meant to.”
Translation: Stop stressing me out, I’m doing just fine.
Shifting the focus back onto them works wonders. Most relatives will gladly talk about their own lives once prompted. It’s okay to remind yourself that you’re not behind. Life isn’t a race, and there’s no universal timeline. You’re allowed to go at your own pace, even if it doesn’t align with everyone else’s expectations.
2. Reframing Your Mindset
It’s easy to romanticise relationships during the holiday season—couples attending double the events, exchanging gifts, or posing for cozy social media photos. But remember: the grass isn’t always greener. Being single means avoiding questions like:
- “When are you getting married?”
- “When are you having kids?”
- “Why don’t you have another baby to keep the first company?”
Plus, single people don’t have to split time between their family and a partner’s—no awkward small talk with in-laws or obligatory events that you don’t care about. You can spend the holidays exactly as you like, stress-free and on your own terms.
3. The Relationship You Have with Yourself
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. Being single isn’t a waiting room for a relationship—it’s an opportunity to build a life you love, regardless of your relationship status. The truth is, being in a relationship won’t magically fix feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem, or other personal challenges. It’s essential to feel content within yourself first.
That doesn’t mean you should diminish your desire to be in a relationship—wanting partnership is completely natural. But it’s important to let go of the pressure to meet someone right now. Love can happen tomorrow, next year, or never. What matters is that you’re living a full life in the meantime.
4. The Culture Clash: Being Caught Between Two Worlds
The holidays amplify something a lot of us second-generation Asians feel year-round: the push and pull between our heritage and our modern upbringing.
- On the one hand: Family is everything. Respecting traditions—whether it’s eating dumplings at Lunar New Year, staying home until marriage, or listening to your elders—is non-negotiable.
- On the other hand: You’re also shaped by Western values. You want independence, self-expression, and the freedom to not have your entire existence revolve around getting married and popping out grandkids.
It’s not easy balancing these expectations. Sometimes, you feel like you’re disappointing your family because you’re not following the “standard Asian path,” and yourself because you wish you could just be without carrying all the weight of your family’s expectations.
But here’s the truth: You’re not alone in this. The world has changed, and our generation is redefining what happiness looks like. Whether you’re building your dream career, traveling the world, or simply enjoying life as it comes, you’re living a life worth celebrating—partner or no partner.
5. Finding Joy in the Chaos
So, amidst the awkward questions, cultural expectations, and family pressures, how do you actually enjoy the holidays?
- Set Boundaries (Your Way):
You don’t have to “clap back” to protect your peace. Keep it lighthearted, change the subject, or steer conversations toward topics you’re excited about—like that new hobby, travel plan, or work milestone. - Find Your Allies:
There’s always that one cousin, friend, or sibling who gets it. Stick with them, share some eye-rolls over dinner, and remind each other you’re not alone. Bonus points if you’ve got a group chat to vent afterward (or even during, when you’re taking a breather in the bathroom away from the family chaos). - Focus on the Fun Stuff:
Let yourself enjoy the good parts of the holidays. Eat all the food. Wear something you love. Rewatch that cheesy movie. Take a break from life’s pressures and just exist in the moment—whether that’s playing mahjong with the fam, watching fireworks, or scrolling TikTok in your pajamas. - Be Kind to Yourself:
Your worth isn’t defined by your relationship status, your career, or anyone else’s expectations. You’re allowed to live a life that feels right to you, even if it doesn’t look like what your family imagined.
6. Self-Care During the Holidays
The holidays are a time to wind down, reflect, and take care of yourself. Here are some ideas:
- Enjoy downtime: Read a book, binge-watch TV shows, or relax in nature.
- Try something new: Explore a hobby or activity you’ve always been curious about.
- Reflect on your year: Celebrate your wins and think about what you’d like to focus on in the new year.
- Reach out for support: Whether it’s trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals, don’t hesitate to talk if you need to.
If you’re looking to be more intentional about dating, consider expanding your approach—try meeting people outside your usual “type”, attending new events, or even being open to (vetted!) setups from friends and family. Approach it with curiosity, not pressure.
7. You’re Not Alone—And You’re Doing Great
To all my single Asian millennials and Gen Z-ers out there: I see you. The holidays can be complicated, but remember this—your happiness doesn’t come with a deadline. You’re allowed to take up space, say no, and carve your own path.
So next time you’re faced with “When are you getting married?”, take a deep breath, smile, and remind yourself: You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
Now go grab that extra serving of dumplings—you deserve it. 🥟✨ Happy holidays!
For mental health resources designed for Asian diaspora identities, check out Just Shapes and Sounds.
