30 life lessons I learned in 30 years: part 1

Turning 30 and entering this new decade is as not as scary as you may think. There’s actually much to celebrate! Yes, although you are saying farewell to your 20s, the next decade of your 30s and beyond can be even more amazing!

Getting older is a beautiful gift. You’ve had more time to unravel more layers of yourself, hopefully cut off some bad habits and developed some better habits, have richer friendships and relationships and gained some valuable life experience. Here’s my top 30 empowering life lessons I’ve learned so far…

1. Growth is on the edge of your comfort zone

It’s easy to get sucked into the routine of life. Monday to Friday, you get up, go to the job you hate and live for weekends and 4 weeks of annual leave. Rinse and repeat until you die. There’s little to zero risk, when you know exactly what to expect out of your life routine.

It takes courage to step out from what is comfortable. If there’s something you want to achieve that’s “out of the ordinary”, you may experience self-doubt. You worry about what other’s may think of you and your actions, you find excuses. If you persevere, extend yourself to learn new skills, overcome challenges, you’ll eventually reach a new level of comfort. You’ve reached the original goals you set for yourself, you feel your life has a sense of purpose and so forth.

For example, if your heart is set on starting up a candle business, start small. It’s not realistic to quit your job and hope your business starts generating enough money to live on straight away. Take incremental risks and don’t put that unnecessary pressure on yourself and your business in the early stages. Some initial goals could include doing some local markets, setting up an online shop and building up a social media presence and community.

Finding it a struggle to work on your business when you work a full time job? Analyse what you do with your free time. Maybe it’s time to start watching less Netflix? If you wake up 1 hour earlier everyday, that’s a full work day per week that you’d have spent working on your business. Waking up early may be a little sacrifice of sleep (but it wouldn’t be – if you slept earlier!), but think of your efforts as a snowball. The more momentum you gain, the bigger the snowball gets. Who knows what might happen next after your snowball reaches a certain size? At that point, is your business earning enough consistent money for you to drop down to part time employment? If you want something bad enough, you will find a way and the resources needed to get there. How much do you want it?

2. Live in a different city or country

Be it a completely different country that challenges you culturally or where you don’t know the language, or even a new city in the country you live in – this will push you out of your comfort zone. You’ll meet different people from different walks of life and make new friends, develop new routines, find a new bakery that makes amazing croissants and broaden your knowledge and perspective.

I’ve spent most of my life in Sydney, with stints in China, Paris and now Melbourne is home. Where to next?

3. Don’t hold grudges, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

Is the relationship reparable? If it is, don’t wait too long to clear the air. The negative energy brewing inside you, will eat you up, hogging precious brain space rent-free. Yes, it may feel uncomfortable and you’ll need to pluck up the courage, being the one to come to the table first, but you’ll feel so much better afterwards.

If the relationship is broken and you just know you need to cut ties, accept that sometimes the other person won’t or can’t “give you closure”. You can’t control what they may or may not do, but you can control your actions. Learn to give yourself closure and accept that this person is not meant to stay in your life. Whatever is for you, will be in your life and stay in your life.

4. Learn to cook (even if it’s simple)

You’ll only have 1 body to live in your whole life, so put some time and effort into nourishing it. When you learn to cook, even if the meals are simple like a stir fry, roast vegetables or pasta bake, you know exactly what’s going into your body. You practice mindfulness by being present and preparing healthy and hopefully delicious meals and you can impress guests when you throw dinner parties! When you shop at local markets, you’re supporting the local economy, you’ll get to know the local vendors and what produce is in season. Best yet, your bank account will also thank you for not constantly needing to spend money on takeout.

5. Health is real wealth

Once you hit your 30s, you unfortunately can’t rely just on your metabolism to keep your weight steady. With more responsibility and longer hours working and familial obligations, you may find it difficult to carve out time for exercise, preparing healthy meals, time to care for your mental health etc. But with these increased life responsibilities, it’s more important than ever to protect that time and find routines that you enjoy. Our bodies are like machines. They need consistent maintenance for healthy performance.

Same goes for cutting bad habits such as smoking, excessive drinking, drugs and poor sleeping habits. Good health is the most important thing we can strive for. Without it, think how the quality of your life would drop and the things you wouldn’t be able to do? Health is real wealth.

6. The amount of time left with your parents may be shorter than you think

As much as you might subconsciously think your parents will always be around, no one lives forever. Say, they had you when they were 30. By the time, you’re 30, they’re 60. You’ve probably already moved out of home and if you live in a different state or overseas, you really only see your parents during the holidays for maybe 2 weeks a year. Say they live until the average life expectancy of 85 years old. That means, 85 years minus 60 years = 25 years. 25 years x 2 weeks = 50 weeks. That means, you’ve got less than 1 full year of time left with your parents. If you’re lucky a bit more and if you’re unlucky, a bit less.

While they’ve still got their health – call them, spend time with them, treat them to meals (out or in), go on holidays with them, ask about their stories of when they were young. Cherish your time with them.

7. Educate yourself about your finances

With longer life expectancies, it’s essential you start learning about money and how it should work for you.

• Save an emergency fund of $2000 that you never touch. It’s in the case of an emergency like an unexpected bill that pops up. You’ll be glad you had it there instead of resorting to putting it on your credit card, which can carry interest rates of 20-25% if you don’t pay off the entire balance!
• While having a credit card can be good for building up your credit score, some credit card debt can only be considered “good” debt, only if you’re able to pay off the entire balance every month. Keep your credit card limits to the smallest limit you need to avoid the temptation to overspend.
• Track your income, savings and expenses through either an app or a spreadsheet. This will help with budgeting – especially areas of expenses that you may be able to cut down to increase savings. What gets measured, gets improved.
• With record low interest rates, it’s no good for your hard earned cash to just sit in the bank. There’s loads of educational resources such as books and courses teaching the basics of investing depending on your risk appetite. Start investing as early as you can and watch the magic of compound interest do its thing! Or else consult with a financial advisor on how to make your money work for you.

8. Take responsibility for your life – you can make things happen

It’s easy to blame other people for your problems. For example, you might blame your parents for the way they brought you up, which meant you’re working in a crappy job. Maybe you blame your partner for not being more supportive of you starting up your business. Whatever the issue is, it’s time to stop playing victim and get into the driver seat. You are in charge of your life. It’s time to take responsibility, work hard and smart and go out and get what you want.

9. There’s no such thing as the perfect time – do things imperfectly today

It’s easy to keep putting our dreams on hold and waiting for when conditions are perfect. Maybe you need “more money” before you can build the perfect website for your new business. Maybe you need more knowledge and experience before you apply for the promotion. Whatever the thing is you dream of, it’s time to stop putting it off and working towards getting it now. There is no “perfect time” and chances are, even if you have earned more money or gained more experience, it’s likely your goalposts will shift and you’ll keep putting off going after your dream.

Perfection doesn’t exist and for the extra time and effort you put in, in an attempt to achieve perfection, the marginal benefit is usually not worth it. Say you think you need 6 months to build a beautiful custom website, before you can start sharing your writing. In the 6 months it takes to build and the money you’ve spent, you’ve already deprived yourself of the opportunity to start building a community and helping others with your writing. Imperfect action will always trump the pursuit of perfection. Get started today.

10. Experiencing heartbreak is not the end of the world

Although it feels like your heart has been smashed to tiny bits, everything hurts and you just want to cry for days on end, I firmly believe heartbreak is the Universe steering you away, from what isn’t yours. Feel all the feels, lean on your family and friends for comfort and dig into that tub of ice cream if you wish. Give yourself time to process your feelings, then it’s time to get busy. Dive into a new creative hobby, go on a girls’ trip, sweat it up in the gym or take up a new sport – do all the things your ex-partner hated, because this time is all for you. To reconnect with yourself. You are whole as you are.

11. Do something that scares you

Remember when I talked about growth being just outside of your comfort zone? This is it. Whether you’ve always wanted to travel solo, sky dive, get up and sing karaoke in front of a crowd, ask the cute barista out on a date or perform stand up comedy, push yourself out of your comfort zone and do the thing that scares you. Life is lived, when you follow through on decisions. Dream, decide, follow

through and live life to the fullest!

12. Dedicate time to be creative

No matter what you think, everyone is creative. Creativity is just a muscle, just like any other. Whether you like colouring in, painting, drawing, pottery, singing, bullet journaling, photography, making videos or playing an instrument, dedicate some time to do things you love, just for you. There’s no pressure to monetise it, even if you’re good at it. Do it just for the joy it brings you.

13. Don’t be afraid to change directions in life

When you’re a kid, you develop the idea that life is linear. You go to school, study hard and get good grades, go to university, find a job, get married when you’re 30, have kids, eventually become a grandparent, continue working until you retire at 65, travel and relax during your retirement, then die.

Life usually doesn’t take this kind of linear path and it’s OK if you don’t know what you want! Don’t be afraid to try new things and stray from the expectations of others. It may take some experimentation and time to figure things out, but once your soul knows, you’ll know and it’s through having the courage to step out from your comfort zone, that you can make great things happen.

As a regular Asian kid, I studied hard at school, got into uni, studied a double degree and started working at a global accounting firm. After a couple of years, decided it wasn’t for me, considered dipping my toe in advertising, then ultimately retrained as a jeweller. Now I’m a slashie – I’m a healthcare worker/jeweller/artist.

14. Pursue what your soul wants, not what others tell you

While your family and friends probably mean well, life should be lived on your terms, not what other people expect of you. Say your parents expect you to get a respectable and stable office job – like in accounting or law. But deep down, you hate the idea of being chained to a desk and want to pursue a completely different career path, like in music or the arts.

Do you want to dread waking up on weekdays and dragging yourself to a job you hate? You have to live with this choice. Why do you want to live a life you hate just to appease someone else’s expectations? Or would you rather pursue something that might initially be a bit less financially stable, but sets your soul on fire? Yes, we all need money to live. But, money is not the be all and end all. Even if what you’re pursuing is not immediately financially fruitful, can you work a part time job elsewhere to fund your dream? I believe that if you love what you do, money will follow.

15. Connect with the analogue world

With so many outlets vying for your attention, it can feel draining and distracting resulting in poor mental and physical health. Your boss wants you to reply to their emails and phone calls immediately – even on weekends. Your eyes feel dry and tired after a long day staring at screens. Unrealistic body image and unrealistic societal expectations bombard us through television, movies, music, magazines and social media.

As wonderful as technology is, it’s important to set boundaries, disconnect and reconnect to the physical world. Whether this means switching off tech after 9pm and reading a book, spending an entire weekend away from social media and email or setting stronger boundaries with your boss/colleagues, fill your mind with things that energise you, not what drains you or makes you feel crap.

---

Click here to read part 2!

---