30 life lessons to excel in your 30s: part 2

16. Practice self care

With busy schedules, being so connected online and different responsibilities (work, relationships etc.,) pulling us in different directions, we must carve out time to look after ourselves. Being kind to yourself shouldn’t feel like a chore, nor a selfish act. Your well-being is important, so don’t forget to prioritise yourself! There are several categories of self care such as physical, emotional, mental and social.

This could mean prioritising sleep, eating nutritious food, regular health check ups, journaling, taking a bubble bath, setting boundaries, regular time with friends, being present with pets, delving deep into hobbies that excite you, spending time outdoors in nature, listening to music while drinking a hot chocolate etc. Self care means different things to different people and shouldn’t be viewed as a luxury. It doesn’t have to be overwhelming, start small and build in new ways to care for yourself as you see fit.

Practicing regular self care can help you manage stress, feel happier, avoid burnout, develop stronger relationships and feel more energised. Sounds pretty good huh?

17. Live more sustainably

We’re feeling the changes of climate change more acutely in the last few years. With more severe heatwaves, more destructive storms and bushfires, as an individual, you can feel powerless to make any meaningful change that would slow down or reverse the effects. With anything, big changes start small. This could involve:

• more conscious and mindful shopping and buying less pieces of clothing that were made by workers in fair working conditions, that will last longer,
• spending your money with companies that are paying their staff a living wage and good working conditions and prioritising cleaner and greener processes,
• support a government/organisation that prioritises combatting climate change,
• eating less meat and more plant based meals and,
• recycling and minimising your use of single plastics, just to name a few.

Every bit makes a difference.

18. Volunteer for a cause you care about

Whether you’re passionate about combatting climate change, want to be a useful ally for First Nations People, Black people, the LGBTQI community or want to help at an animal shelter – whatever the cause, volunteering your time, energy, skills or money connects to you to your community and makes it a better place. The work you do may be meaningful, make a larger impact on your wider community and give you a sense of achievement and purpose.

19. Read more

I feel sad when I ask people what the last interesting book they’ve read was and they reply that, they haven’t read a book in ages. A lot of books serve as the original source material for a lot of media we consume, why not go back to the original and let your imagination take over?

As much as I love a good Netflix binge, sometimes after a long session, your brain can feel fried, just passively absorbing the images on your screen. Give your brain, eyes and bum a rest. Head outside with one of the books you’ve bought (but not yet opened) and delve into another world. Whether you like fiction or non-fiction, reading can expand your imagination, enhance your brain and help you be present.

20. Travel as much as you can

Travelling is exciting. You experience new things, meet new people, eat new foods and shows you a fresh perspective – especially if it’s a country where you don’t speak the language or is culturally different from your home country. You learn to adapt on the fly, boosts your self-confidence and hopefully helps you become a more well-rounded person.

Travel doesn’t necessarily have to be overseas or expensive. Even exploring different suburbs within the city, you live in, or other towns/cities in regional areas or interstate could bring many of these benefits and more.

People sometimes put off traveling for “someday”, when they have more money, more time or deem it an activity for retirement. Truth is, life is short. Some day is not a specific day in the calendar. The routine of life rolls around, you may get married, have kids and suddenly you’re too busy or it’s too expensive to travel. Your health may deteriorate or your life may not be as long as you had hoped. Don’t delay travel as a thing you’ll do when you retire. When you’re older and you’ve retired, chances are, you won’t have as much energy, or won’t be as mobile. Bring some of that joy forward while you still have youth, money and energy. Money spent on travel is always money well spent. You can always make more money, but time is finite.

I’ve been to 27 countries, but there’s still so much of the world to explore!

21. Be comfortable in your own company

Friends, partners and (sadly) even family come and go, but the only relationship that will stay with you, your entire life, is yourself. We’re often our own worst critic. Next time you’re about to say something negative about the way you look, the way you approached a task/situation – ask yourself: would you say that to a friend? If not, why are you telling yourself such things?

A healthy relationship with yourself is one where you accept your strengths and weaknesses. Treat yourself with self-respect, practice self-care, communicate clearly and set boundaries and learn to love your alone time. As much fun as it is to share experiences and spend time with friends and family, take yourself out on solo dates. Eat out, go to a movie, visit a museum or even travel by yourself. Sometimes other people’s schedules may not align with your own. When you date yourself, you can do the things you want to do on your own schedule. Your self-confidence will improve and you’ll feel more comfortable knowing you are self-sufficient. You’ll ultimately become a better friend, partner and family member.

22. Make friends from different walks of life

When you’re young, it’s usual to only have friends around your age and maybe even predominantly the same cultural and socioeconomic background as you. It’s easy that way. You’re experiencing the same types of milestones and have a cultural understanding of each other. It may never cross your mind that you could ever be friends with someone older or even younger. If they’re older, you probably think you have nothing in common. They’re old and boring. As for younger people? Ew, they’re so immature. You’ve already passed their life stage many years ago and have no interest in finding common ground or exploring new ground.

As you get older (and hopefully more mature), you’ll realise people from different walks of life have different perspectives. Older people have lived experiences and could offer guidance on life struggles you may be going through. As technology becomes increasingly more integrated in our lives, younger people’s life experiences may be vastly different than when you were there age. They too, can offer a fresh and different perspective on life that you may not even realise. Having a wide friendship group can be enriching in so many ways, by broadening your own perspective on various issues and outlook on life.

23. Cherish experiences over things

As much as society and businesses tell us, that we should buy their product in order to feel happy, there comes a point, where it feels like mindless consumerism, just to keep up appearances feels meaningless. Sure, we may enjoy an initial high a new piece of tech or a new piece of clothing may bring, but soon enough, the high wears off. A newer model or newer fashion trend emerges, and society once again tells you, you need to buy this newer item because it’s better, need to keep up etc.

Invest your time and money into things that last longer: experiences. Whether this is a holiday to the Great Barrier Reef with family, a musical, a comedy show, a concert. The experiences you collect form part of your identity. Whoever you are today, is a culmination of everywhere you’ve been, people you’ve met and things you’ve done. The high you once felt from buying a new dress would’ve long faded, but recalling the memories by the beach with your family live on much longer with fondness.

24. Practice a daily skin-care routine

We only have 1 skin in this life, so you’ve got to look after it. The skin is your body’s biggest organ and is your body’s first line of defence against damage and disease. Skin care doesn’t have to be expensive or super time consuming. Starting early in life will help you set up with a good routine. Even just a simple cleanser like Cetaphil, a non-alcoholic (i.e. non-drying) toner to clean any remaining cleanser off and hydrating the skin and lastly, a moisturiser and sunscreen to finish off. Yes. Sunscreen, every day including on cloudy days. Not wearing sunscreen leads to premature aging of the skin – including freckles, spots, wrinkles, hyperpigmentation and maybe even skin cancer. Do yourself a massive favour, protect your skin and help you look the best you can. Don’t forget the neck, chest and ears too as part of your “facial skincare”.

25. Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault

Too often, women especially, are conditioned to apologise for everything. Like we women, have to be apologetic over breathing or even just taking up space. Men do not act like this. Why do we do this to minimise ourselves? No. Take back your power and your power over the word, “sorry.” Only say sorry, when the situation legitimately calls for it.

• If you need to ask a colleague a question, don’t start the email with “Sorry to bother you…”. Confidently state your question/request.
• If someone accidentally bumps into YOU, don’t apologise for their actions.
• If you need to move past somewhere hogging up the aisle in a supermarket, don’t say “Sorry”, but rather “Excuse me” or something similar.

May you go forth with the confidence of a mediocre white man!

26. Develop an abundance mindset

Having a closed and limited mindset stunts your imagination for what could be possible. Unlock your mind and believe the universe is abundant. An abundance mindset is optimistic and filled with opportunities. Start believing you can achieve the success you desire. You can achieve the happiness you desire. There is more than enough to go around.

Feeling negative feelings about a setback is normal. But when you feel like you’re not able to bounce back, stop and take note. Journal your feelings and try to reframe things in a more positive light. What can you learn from this set back? How can you improve? Come up with a few positive affirmations to repeat to yourself. Click here to read more about developing an abundance mindset: https://chopra.com/articles/10-steps-to-develop-an-abundance-mindset

27. How to gracefully say no

Establishing and enforcing boundaries is essential. Many people, especially women, have been socially conditioned to say yes as their default answer. If you’re saying yes to more work projects than you can reasonably handle, you’ve agreed to bake a cake for Mary’s farewell, help your friend move house, and back-to-back lunches and dinner catch ups, is it any wonder why you’re exhausted come Monday?

Saying no to someone’s request, means saying yes to something else. Say you’re not keen to go to an acquaintance’s party, because you’re tired and know you’ll feel grumpy the entire time. By saying no, you’re allowing yourself space to rest and recharge. If you say no to a fancy meal out with friends, you’re allowing yourself space to be financially responsible, as your budget doesn’t allow it. Saying no, doesn’t mean you have to come off as mean, rude or feel guilty and need to give a long, meandering reason why! Your reasons can be kept completely private if you wish.

Depending on the request, here’s some graceful ways to say no:

• Thanks for thinking of me, but I will decline.
• I’m not very keen on (activity), but thank you for asking. (Maybe next time – if you actually mean this)
• Thanks for asking, but no thank you. How about you try (other alternative)?
• I already have a prior commitment, thanks for asking.
• I can’t at this time, but may have capacity (at future time). (Only say this if you’re actually interested in doing it at some time in the future)

28. Learn how to be more disciplined

Trying to be self-disciplined usually starts off with good intentions, but usually ends up in procrastination and then feeling like a failure. According to Psychology Today, 81% of individuals give up on their New Year’s resolutions by mid to late January.

Achieving a goal usually means breaking down the goal into smaller, more manageable tasks. Self-discipline is about consistent action. You’re probably not going to get it right the first time around, but say your goal is to run a marathon:

• Work out when is best for you to exercise
• Find/develop a work out plan that’ll help you build up your stamina and get you from couch to marathon ready
• Schedule these workouts in your calendar. If it’s not scheduled, it won’t get done!
• Visualise your outcome. Imagine yourself at the finish line with friends and family there, congratulating you on your achievement! Imagine having that medal around your neck. Imagine how amazing you’ll feel at having accomplished such a mammoth feat!
• Get a support/accountability partner – it could be another friend who wants to run the marathon too – find someone who can keep you accountable to your goal.
• If you end up, not exercising for a few days, get back onto schedule and don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s all about consistent action remember?
• Time your runs. Hopefully, after consistently exercising, you’re fitter and can run longer distances. Compete against yourself.
• Reward yourself for achieving your goal!

29. Take a sabbatical or gap year

In the bigger picture of things, life is short. In the blink of an eye, if we’re lucky we live up to 85, 95, maybe even 100 +years. In the linear way of life, society says to go to school, get good grades, get a job, work 45 years, retire, die. Why wait until retirement to travel and do the fun things you’ve always wanted? Although you may have more money and time during your retirement years, it’s likely you’ll have less energy and won’t be able to do things as easily as you could’ve when you’re younger.

Why not consider taking a sabbatical? Ever wanted to spend a year slow traveling around a country or two? Prioritise this dream, by bringing this dream forward a few decades. Make the time to do it – now – when you have money and energy. With the proliferation of remote work – you could even do part time/freelance work remotely the entire time you’re away. Or take a leap of faith, quit your job and just take time off. Work and money will always be there when you get back. Of course, make sure your finances are in good shape! (See point 7).

30. Everyone’s timeline is different, enjoy your journey

Comparison is the thief of joy. Although society tells us we’re supposed to have achieved certain milestones by certain ages, everyone will experience life differently. There’s no need to compare your life with those around you. As long as you are content and enjoy the things in your life – why harbour negative energy envying others? Practice having an abundance mindset, practice contentment and enjoy the ride! From the wise words of Beyonce, enjoy your life! It’s short.

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Enjoyed part 2 of 30 life lessons to excel in your 30s? Read part 1 here!

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TL;DR

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1. Growth is on the edge of your comfort zone
2. Live in a different city or country
3. Don’t hold grudges, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die
4. Learn to cook (even if it’s simple)
5. Health is real wealth
6. Spend time with your parents
7. Learn about your finances
8. Take responsibility for your life – you can make things happen
9. There’s no such thing as the perfect time – do things imperfectly today.
10. Experiencing heartbreak is not the end of the world
11. Do something that scares you
12. Dedicate time to be creative
13. Don’t be afraid to change directions in life
14. Pursue what your soul wants, not what others tell you
15. Connect with the analogue world
16. Practice self care
17. Live more sustainably
18. Volunteer for a cause you care about
19. Read more
20. Travel as much as you can
21. Be comfortable in your own company
22. Make friends from different walks of life
23. Cherish experiences over things
24. Practice a consistent skin-care routine
25. Don’t apologise for something that isn’t your fault.
26. Develop an abundance mindset
27. How to gracefully say no
28. Learn how to be more disciplined
29. Take a sabbatical
30. Everyone’s timeline is different, enjoy your journey.