When you’re single during a pandemic, your family seriously thinks you’re doomed for life and tries to find any and all ways of setting you up. Even when they live 1000km away from you. Like the 1000km distance isn’t enough, but hellooooo, an ongoing pandemic and the daily stress that goes with it.
Yes, yes, yes I know they mean well, but let me share how this little story unfolds…
My Aunt is an avid gardener. She found a rare plant on Facebook Marketplace that she wanted to buy, reached out to the seller and set up a meet with the lady selling it. They met up in person and got naturally talking about their families, when the plant seller lady brings up her son is single. My Aunt brings up her niece (me) is single too! My Aunt also learns approximately where the plant lady lives, which happens to be on the plot of land our old house was on and both of them think it’s suddenly divine intervention.
My Mum calls me excitedly and tells me my Aunt has found a great guy she wanted to introduce to me.
Based on the fact, he lives in Sydney (and I in Melbourne) and 3 photos later… Lol Do you know what photos I got?
- Photo of him with Pete Wentz, early 2000s emo hair hugging the green Android mascot i.e. Bugdroid (I looked up its official name),
- A family photo of his brother, his mum and him tightly gripping onto his Mum’s arm for dear life,
- Close up portrait of cheesy smile with Pete Wentz hair again.
Prior to having my number released, my Aunt called me directly to discuss this guy. She said he’s a “shy guy” and she was excited for my trip back to Sydney over Christmas/New Years because I could go along to the New Years Eve party, he and his all single, male friends were hosting to celebrate and I could meet him. The kicker was, she and my Uncle offered to chaperone me to this party. HAHA.
I know we get into random’s cars for transport these days (hello Uber, Didi, Ola), randoms drop off food for us and many other miraculous things the internet allows us to do these days, but what? Attend some random sausage fest New Years Eve party to meet some guy who’s first impression was already blah? No thank you.
Despite all this, I thought, “Fineeeee, whatever, just to appease my Aunt and Mother.” I begrudgingly let them release my phone number.
I don’t know if it was a self fulfilling prophesy, whether it was because I forced myself to be “open” to the idea of this guy or it was just objectively a bad match to start off with. We texted for a bit and it was not great. You know those “conversations” you get with matches on apps, when they only reply to your questions like it’s an interview, but never ask you any questions in return? Apart from those awful “How about you?” responses. EUGH. I.e. the laziest responses? Boring.
I learned that he works at Officeworks in the IT section, is 34, lives at home with his Mum and little brother, enjoys playing console/computer games, collects Pop! Vinyl bobble head figurines, card games, CD/DVD/Blu-ray, game collectibles and likes to record unboxing tech videos on YouTube for fun.
This was not going well. I had to cut my losses.
I told him, I thought he seemed like a nice person, but we lead very different lifestyles and wished him luck.
He read the response immediately but didn’t reply. Radio silence for 2 weeks.
Then out of the blue I get this message: “K friend maybe”?
I message him back: “Thanks for asking, but no thanks. Wishing you the best. Bye!”
